What The Fuck Is With That?

Sean Rodrieguez answer’s the question’s you’ve always wondered but could never be bothered to find the answer for…

Why does pubic hair grow curly and other hair grow straight?

Have you ever been staring aimlessly at your genitals and thought “Jesus what an ugly state of affairs?” Well I surely have. Also why the hell is it curly when everything else grows straight? Could a man make his fortune by devising some kind of tiny hair straighteners to solve this aesthetic problem?
All completely sane questions any right thinking person thinks when staring at their genitals but why exactly is it curly? Well the answer is in your hormones. During puberty and afterward our bodies create a hormone designed to make you want to do the Boom-Chicka-Wah-Wah with the opposite sex (or the same one if you’re so inclined or Dave Walker). These very same nookie inducing hormones spreads to hair follicles in your “makin’ whoopee” zone and alter the hair follicles in that region making the hair bulbs in that area kink and twist thus why the hair grows curly in your special place. Same deal for your armpit hair. 
The same hormones are created more in men than women which is why men can grow beards and all women but those special ones that’s go on circus sideshows don’t grow beards. So if you’re a woman growing a beard, there’s a fair chance you’re actually a man with an exceptionally small penis. This is also the reason why your pubic hair is coarse and thick despite how many times you use conditioner on it, as it is essentially the same hair as on your face and armpits. So for all intents and purposes a man with facial hair essentially has a face full of pubes.  

So the next time you pull down that special person’s pants and are faced with what looks like a very unkempt afro, be sure to tell them that its ok, they can’t help it, their hormones just want them to have ugly genitals. Then you can cuddle in a sweet embrace, feeling a sense in unity of evolutions grand plan to fuck us all over.