DAY ONE
This may be the hardest thing any man has ever done. I’m sweating out alcohol and ten minutes ago I tried making wine by stamping frantically onto some grapes and weeping. I’ve completely purged my house of any alcohol. I filled two large dustbins with crates of lager, bottles of tequila, fine wine, spirits. I then rolled them to the curb where a group of homeless men ran from nowhere and stole them as I screamed obscenities and death threats at them until Jive’s the Butler restrained me and led me back to the Spa, where I currently write this on a waterproofed laptop sat on top of my man made waterfall. Everywhere I look I see alcohol, even in the small diving pool filled with Budweiser, I’d empty that but it’s on a constant refill cycle so instead I drowned one of the homeless thieving bastards in it as an act of retribution for stealing the alcohol I was throwing away. My hands are clenching into fist’s uncontrollably and my urge to kill has hardly been sated by the homeless guys thrashing, violent death. I’ve just put out my tenth cigarette since I quit.
It’s been a horrible 20 minutes so far.
Alcohol Intake: Zero Units
Cigarettes Smoked: Ten
Urge to Kill: Insatiable
Song of the Moment: The Hush Sound – Don’t Wake Me Up
Current Mood: Optimistic/Homicidal
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