The SRSA (Sean Rodrieguez Super Awesome) Cool List.
As you may or not know some stupid magazine written by people less talented than myself called NME does what they dare deem a “Cool List” whereby they stroke the cocks (or the female equivalent) of celebrities and cause a lot of flocking scenester’s to suddenly begin to follow them and claim they always knew about them. (LINK) You can see their attempt here. But it occurred to me that they don’t really have a fucking clue as to what cool is. I, being super awesome, however do know what cool is. I’m basically the epitome of cool so it’s understandable that I’d “get” cool. I mean if Elvis hadn’t lived I’d have probably invented the word.
So here, for posterity is the REAL cool list from the source of what cool really is which is basically this very blog you’re cool enough to be reading right now. Cause let’s face it, you’re a suave motherfucker.
10. Russell Brand
What he did:
- Caused vast lust among many, many females for no real reason.
- Appeared in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and made me realize he was funny.
- Claimed he fucked the butler from Fawlty Towers daughter, caused tabloids to wet themselves in gossip glee, half heartedly apologized and managed to come out of it just aces. Which is worthy of respect if anything because he probably did fuck the daughter.
Why he’s cool: When you can happily admit that a man could nail your own mother and you’d just shake his hand because he’s so cool. When a man can do this whilst wearing skinny jeans, cowboy boots with hair gayer than gay porn star’s holding a lubed up sign that reads “We’re really gay” you have to like, nay, respect him. When somebody who I wholeheartedly despised before this year can turn that table on me, he’s pretty fucking cool in my book.
9. Dave Walker
(Photo provided by Becki Birkett Photography. Taken from the album "Drunk Crazy Hobo's" out soon)
What he did:
- Rocked the decks at the world’s (read: Stone’s) hottest bar: The Lounge
- Drank a concoction of drinks that included: Half a pint of Guinness, a shot of: Rum, Bacardi, Vodka, Jack Daniels, Southern Comfort, Gin and Tequila in 10 seconds with two straws
- Came onto every single woman he met the entire year, including my mother and YOUR mother.
- Took a world of abuse in everything I wrote and yet still called me funny.
Why he’s cool: When a man can turn alcoholism into a fine art and smack that many female asses his hand is actually appearing on wanted posters throughout the county, he deserves some semblance of respect. Dave’s cocky southern charm found it’s fame in being written about by me, by which I mean at least 5 people who didn’t know him before I wrote about him know about him and, in time, will be flirted to by him.
8. Sean Rodrieguez
(Photo Provided by J'adore Ya Photo's)
What he did:
- Re-attended college, got shitfaced and somehow didn’t fail.
- Made at least 30 people smile.
- Became an alcoholic after discovering Dave Walker was actually his father.
Why He’s Cool: When a man can fail astonishingly and set himself up to fail even more astonishingly the same year whilst developing a new addiction that has him in Wetherspoons at dinnertime so often the bar staff know what he drinks, he’s done something so remarkably stupid he deserves recognition.
7. Alex Turner
What he did:
- Was still a member of The Arctic Monkeys which is easily the coolest and best band Britain has spawned since Oasis.
- Did fuck all else, which in a lazy way is so fucking awesome it’s beyond words.
Why He’s Cool: Is the author of and regularly performs “A Certain Romance”. If you’ve heard that song, that’s reason enough. If you haven’t you’re reading the wrong list. Shit I just sounded as obnoxious as NME.
6. Robert Harvey (Lead Singer Of The Music)
What he did:
- Caught a fan’s jumper and sang to it.
- During the last song of the gig exclaimed “Fuck it, lets have a fucking dance!” and then did just that in a way that was basically so cool Jimi Hendrix stopped rocking in heaven and pointed in the general direction.
Why He’s Cool: Despite starting his career as a long haired weirdo he managed to turn into this incredibly awesome skinhead that can also play the bongo’s which is, past the pink oboe, the coolest instrument ever. He also just happened to be the front man of the first real live gig I ever attended and thus soaks up some of my coolness.
5. Hunter S. Thompson
What he did:
- Was played by an equally cool Johnny Depp in the film “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
- Did a LOT of drugs.
- When he died he had his ashes fired from a gigantic customized cannon.
Why he’s cool: Despite being heralded as what he would despise: a cult icon, Hunter S. Thompson managed to give so little of a fuck about things he’s didn’t care about and write about what he did care about so superbly he could still serve as an inspiration to countless people, including myself. A modern philosopher that didn’t even try to be, an effortless prophet, deserves to be read by every single person who reads this blog.
4. Bono
What he did:
- Was an incredible, absolute, arrogant, whiny cunt.
- To be fair did a lot of good for charity.
- Is such a cunt I don’t really mind calling him a cunt and that’s a horrible word.
- Was however the guy running around a MASSIVE stage in front of a mind bogglingly huge crowd in this clip (Where The Streets Have No Name Live At Slane Castle)
Which Blogger is fucking refusing to show whatever I do so: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uDkBzkA9L4s
Why He’s Cool: To be fair, he’s not a cunt he’s just that cool that I hate him for it. I’m not a fan of U2 on ANY level. I don’t think they’re that great, no real reason they just aren’t my kind of music. However when I saw the above clip it made my hairs stand on end. The energy is pretty sickening and during this beautiful moment of just well, sheer stage presence I guess…Bono is RUNNING laps around the stage. Just because…he can. He’s Bono. So whether I think he’s a cunt or whether I like his music is irrelevant. He run laps in front of a crowd of god knows how many people whilst some genuinely hair raising music is being played, LOUD. That’s pretty cool.
3. (tie) Jeffrey Bernard
What he did:
- Was an absolute literary genius whilst being an incredible guy.
- Drank and smoked so heavily, whilst being diabetic, he had both legs amputated and eventually died. Yet never stopped doing either.
- Never once finished any project larger than a weekly newspaper article about his own life and wasn’t very punctual at doing that.
- Hated a lot of people in a very clever way.
Why He’s Cool: Cool is supposedly doing your own, unique thing. If so, Jeffrey Bernard did this without even trying to be cool, just doing what he enjoyed most. He made a career of it and never once tried to be recognized, hated to be in fact. Jeffrey Bernard was cool without even trying. Deserves to be read.
3. (tie) Jamie T
What he did:
- Which included the songs “Sheila”, “If You’ve Got The Money” “Pacemaker” and “Alicia Quays”
- Was cooler than Alex Turner and performed questionably as good music on his own
- Made songs for near enough every drunken and very English occasion, that you can sing along to with glee every time it’s played anywhere.
Why He’s Cool: He’s just the songwriter you wish you could be after 8 pints down the local. Immeasurably British, incredibly talented, insightful and yet does its all without ever being pretentious in the least. Plus he makes the most songs by one person that make me smile every single time I hear them.
2. Bob Dylan
What he did:
- Wrote the greatest song ever written; “Like A Rolling Stone”
Why he’s cool: He’s been cool without remotely even thinking of starting to try for something like 4 decades now. He released an album at aged 65 that was a complete change of style and got rave reviews by near enough every major music reviewer out. That was also his 32nd studio album. Despite writing “Like A Rolling Stone” which Bruce Springsteen himself said the opening snare “was like somebody kicked open the door to your mind” he’s written countless other timeless songs that could in their own right be some of the best songs written since music has been recorded. If that wasn’t enough in an interview once when asked a question he didn’t agree with he got offended and exclaimed: “What?! Would you ask the fuckin’ Beatles that question?!” Genius.
1. Van Morrison.
What he did:
- Is immeasurably cool, even when improvising on stage.
- Wrote the song “Caravan” which if it weren’t for “Like A Rolling Stone” would be the greatest song ever written.
He also wrote and performed “Brown Eyed Girl” which quite possibly the most universally liked song I can think of that isn’t the Beatles or Elvis (whom I didn’t include because I don’t like either of them that much and it’s my list dammit).
There are an absolute mass of people that could fill this spot. Not just in music which I tried to stick to for the NME theme; in film, in effectively every single aspect of life. Van Morrison to me however is the epitome of “cool”. He exudes that much passion, talent and ability in what he loves that you can pretty much experience it every time you hear him sing.
The main factor of being “cool” to me is envy. That’s why Bono is so high on the list despite the fact I hate him. If something is “cool” to you, I feel you basically envy whatever that is because you know really that you could never do it in the same way and frankly you’d give pretty much anything to be able to. This is why Van Morrison is a close number one on Dylan. I envy Van Morrison because he is so incredible at what he does, so remarkable that not only will I never be as good as him, its highly doubtful anybody ever will.
Plus you know, he’s got the drugs, alcohol, smoking and “Brown Eyed Girl”.
People I Remembered after writing this list and then realized the futility of writing any serious top 10 list whilst drinking:
- Prince
- Robert De Niro
- Al Pacino
- Seann William Scott
- Charlie Sheen
- Mick Jagger (when he was young)
- Nick Cave
- A begrudging vote for Oasis
- Countless others, I’m never writing a semi-serious top 10 list ever again.
- Late much more drunk addition: Beck.
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